I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
