tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
