Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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