i don't like sucking hair
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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