this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
