I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
