So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
