Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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