i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want nice things and good sex
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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