If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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