Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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