I understand Curling. That high.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
