I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
