you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
