So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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