Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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