just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
