The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
