sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
