so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
