I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
