just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
