Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
not ubering you a puppy
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