I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
