Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
