this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We left the knife in your bed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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