I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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