I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
