ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
