So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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