I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do vagina's smell?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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