did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
