May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
