He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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