Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
