eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
