i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
