is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
