Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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