I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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