If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This house was built for laser tag.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
