The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
did i just pee glitter
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
