If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
