She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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