so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
