I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need to align my fucking chakras
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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