We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
