He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
