You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
