We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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